Desperation
by Babyxo
Summary: Clare's desperate to get Eli back. She'll go to extremes just to have some bits of her relationship back. Will her plan succeed? Or will she fall even farther? Fitz/Clare potential KC/Clare but mainly zoning in on Eclare.
1. Atrocious Behaviour

He went to sociopathic lengths to keep me with him, it worked in it's own way and at the time I felt it was sick-which indeed crashing a vintage hearse into a brick wall while endangering innocent people's lives with his rage. I could sympathize with it however, love controls one's mind when let loose and common sense isn't half as important as keeping the one you want. Which is why I have to do what I'm doing.

You see, Eli an Imogen are inching together. Slowly but surely, Eli is relaxing with her and she's falling for his charm. Who wouldn't? It all started with the play, then spending more and more time together until their offical 'BFF's. It's like clock work. At times I wonder how Julia and Eli fell inlove, because so far its eerie how similar the whole 'breaking down the walls' stage falls as first, then he get's cozier and before you know he'll kiss her...Which of course would drive me mad.

Let's just get one thing straight-I am by no means insane. I'm inlove and Eli is always going to be number one. Sure I fooled around with Jake, but it was only because I was relinquishing the pain of my breakup. I thought that being with another boy would substitute pain with love. But no, I should have known that Jake with his boyish good looks and a handful of females pratically stalking him, had no interest in a girlfriend or going farther then kissing on the couch. I can understand and we are by no means on bad terms.

But let's backtrack, remember Fitz? Well he's a reformed man and I am horribly damaged from this past year. So, we have talked and come to a agreement-he will pretend to be my first boyfriend post breakup. We've already agreed that he would appear dissatisfied with my lack of interest in sleeping with him. We'll fight in public, I'll cry to him on the phone, I'll even cut myself if it goes to that extremes. I'm sure I'm starting to sound like I belong in the loonybin, but Eli has to realize that were meant to be together. I just need to feel his concern lurk on my back.

But if this doesn't work, of course I have another plan. Back in 9th grade, I dated KC Guthrie. I've guilted him into playing a sexually amused toy. He'll play the part that I'm damaged, broken and unhappy-wanting to be my comfort. He really won't want to piece me back together, but he'll pretend to just to break it all up again. Leaving me, Clare Edwards defenseless to any other kind of abuse and will have to be saved. I'm sure KC won't have to be involved as I believe Fitzy will do the trick. And just to clarify, Jenna approves.

We walked hand in hand to The Dot where I knew Eli would be waiting for Imogen. I certaintly didn't like holding his hand, it was too soft and quite wet, from nerves perhaps. He really didn't want to accidently offend me in one our unscripted fights, but I told him that this is therapy for both of us, we'll both be benefiting. I want to feel something and Fitz probably has some untendered emotions to get out.

Fitz opened the door to the hangout and purposefully closed it on my face, causing me to have to step a few feet back and reopen it. Fitz had already been staring at the menu, telling the cashier to get him all sorts of crap that Clare didn't like.

"What'd you get it? I'm craving for-" I began to say in the most innocent manner as I rocked from side to side.

"It doesn't matter what your craving for, your paying and I'm deciding because I'm the man and your the woman" Fitz said in a possesive way. Eli had just walked into resturant, hands full with books and notepads. He hadn't really noticed Clare with Fitz until mumbles erupted from the table behind him saying things such as 'what a jerk' 'she can do better' 'I can't believe Clare's going out with Fitz! I wonder if their sleeping together' which caused a lot of scoffs and sidejokes. Eli peeked up from organizing his books to see Fit'z tight grip on Clare's shoulder as he held the food in one arm and the bridge of Clare's neck to a table in perfect eagle eye's view for Eli.

"I feel really awkward" Fitz whispered as he divided the food up, giving Clare a salad and him whatever else.

"It'll be worth it in the end, please just keep helping me out" I begged as I barely moved my mouth to avoid suspicion. Suddenly Fitz banged his fist on the table, causing the items on the table to jump aswell as I to stand straighter.

"Can't you go one day without nagging!" Fitz declared as he pointed a finger. I acted like I wanted him to calm down, not make a scene, but truthfully this was legit.

"I'm sorry, not in public!" I cooed to him as I gently put my hand over his which he jerked away.

Eli was listening, his glances were becoming to stares as I appeared overly nuturing to my abusive dates needs. I went as far as swearing once or twice, to prove how nervous I was acting.

"Your telling me what to do? Really?" Fitz said easing up a bit as his character portrayel was seemingly to angry, or so he thought.

"Just drop it" I said as I put my hands up in surrendor lightly before putting them back in my lap. I picked at my food, sure eating wasn't exactly my main priority but damn I was hungry. Adreneline must be a calorie burner.

"Oh god Clare, stop eating!" Fitz said, loudly enough for everyone to hear. That one actually hurt, a lot. So what if I'm curvy, I'm not fat. I wanted this to be as real as possible so I got up hastily and resourcefully shoved his plate of food into his lap.

"Fuck you!" I shouted as I walked away and barged out the door, all the while pushing through a small group of people on their way in. One was indeed Imogen Moreno, or as I like to call her, 'stalker chick' due to her scary amount of knowledge towards everyone.

Minutes later while I cooled down, I received a text from Fitz. He reported to me that everyone thinks he's a douche, but the Eli plan was working, and that Eli was throwing death glares to him along with hostility towards Imogen and eventually Adam.

AN:/ Sorry for spelling, I really didn't check due to my extra dumb laptop only has 'Notepad' as a word processor. Soo just tell me what you think, what you want blahblahblah. Feel free to tell me my faults aswell, I can handle it. Clare in this story is definately OOC, but I'll 'humanize' her a bit and let Eli's madness go out of control...soon ;)


	2. Cry Me a River

Adam texted me that night. He investigated why all Eli could talk about was me. I simply told him I had no clue what he was asking about and brushed him off. Sure I wanted to tell Adam, but he's very...realistic and sane. I on the other hand was desperate, unreliable and daunting at the moment. It was much different from my lovable, desirable Clare act. I felt how one would feel when they want something so baly they'll grasp at anything. I figured if nothing else would work, I could always commit suicide. We're not there yet...so...Anyways, what I have learned since Friday is that yes, Eli still cares about me. I do feel bad for Fitz, but that's what you get when you pull a knife on two lovers on Vegas Night 2010! Which if you think about my plot, compared to what Fitz did to my layered relationship, I seem to be the normal one.

I dressed differently than I had prior to my Fitz relationship. I hemmed my skirt two inches and wore black thigh highs, which I amazingly did not know existed until I remembered Darcy's picture escapade. Huh, now that I think about, I too could take explicit pictures of myself. Darcy did it at my age, her and Spinner reconciled I think. I honestly can't remember much about Darcy's boyfriends, only Peter, because that was her 'true love' blahblahblah. My true love compared to hers are like night and day, literally.

I looked dauntingly different as I put on a few extra swipes of mascara and a heavier dose of eyeliner. By no means did I look like a thirteen year old trying on makeup and thinking it looked good, in this case I actually knew I looked good. My eye's out shown everything else on me, depending on who was looking.

"We have to be more believable" I said as I hugged onto my bag in the front seat of Fitz's car. My legs were propped up on the dashboard and I slumped farther into the cushiony seats.

"Do you really think it's okay to be showing all that leg? I mean, it's not very Christian" Fitz said in all seriousness as he kept his eyes off of me. Funny how this was the guy who joked about screwing me months back.

"My faith has nothing to do with my outfit" I said plainly before getting out of his car, conveniantly ten feet from Adam and even more conveniant bumper to bumper with Imogen's trashy motorcycle. I walked up the stairs to Degrassi, looking happier than ever. I did hope that word went around about my fight at The Dot, and people were observing me more closely. Guys looked me up and down like a saturated fat filled Little Debbie. I couldn't help but indulge it as all the guys at Degrassi were a bit deprived of female assests.

"I take it the Fitz-Clare relationship didn't last? I heard he called you fat" Adam chimed into my right ear as he slowed me down to his speed. I rounded the corner to my locker, where Eli was standing a few feet off. Great, now Eli and Adam were a tag team.

"Oh no Adam, it was just a misunderstanding" I said as I piled out my books and rearraged my hair in the mirror that was attached.

"He's not very respectful of you, Clare and we all know your pissed off because Jake didn't want a-" Adam started rambling.

"Jake was just a fling. Fitz might be endgame, my parents think he's a good mentor type boyfriend. He's been through a lot, I've been through a lot" I said while closing my locker and checking my phone. Messages from Alli, Katie, Alli, Alli, and Adam a few times. Boring.

"That's just stupid Clare" Adam said as he shook his head and walked backwards a few steps to relay information to Eli.

A few periods went by, whispers were shooting back and forth about how I must have lost my virginity to Fitz, or else I would have broken up with him. My favorite one had to be the pregnancy conversation, that I was going to raise Eli's baby with Fitz and not tell. Oh no, I must have just told. Gosh highschool was immature.

"Wait up" I heard the familar voice of Eli call after me, his steps were labored as he stumbled on one leg while trying to use the cane. I just kept walking, pretending to let him go right through me.

"Clare" The voice called again. I figured I'd stop, to see what he had to say. Right now, he was putty in my hand.

"Yes?" I asked stopping briefly for a moment on the corner of a locker. Everytime he moved closer, I backed off.

"Just stop moving" He bargained.

"Eli, if you want me to give up the newspaper article I really do understand, you didn't have to come find me, a text would have been fine" I said, backing up one more step acting as if I didn't want to be there.

"You can't be with Fitz" Eli coughed out. His lack of meds had side affects, which were coughing or so I had heard.

"Really? That's what you want to talk about?" I replied to him. Hands on my hips, my body languege alone said he couldn't judge me.

"He came after us with a knife, he's dangerous Clare" Eli said. His voice rambled a bit, and he seemed riled up.

"This isn't Vegas Night, Eli, you can't tell me who to date, now go play with Imogen" I smirked while walking off quicker than before. The conversation went well, I had hoped secrely he would admit eternal love, but I'll wait for that next week.


End file.
